And the blind shall lead the sighted.
MOST THINKING DONE IN SHOWER
We've all got stuff to do. Lots of stuff. And when we actually get some free time, we want to relax, watch some TV, unwind with some mindless carnage or, depending on the equipment we were issued at birth, some godawful soapoperas where the main character has played three different roles in the same show, all of which were killed off within a month of their introduction. We don't have *time* to actually ponder during the day; we're too busy. So when do we actually think?
Not often, to be honest, but during the short period of time when our brains are active and not occupied with a pressing problem, we are usually in the shower. That's right, the results are in. The average American gets 73% of his thinking done while taking a shower. Where do we get the rest of that thinking done? 37% of the thinking gets done while we toss and turn in bed right before we go to sleep, and the remaining 23% gets done while we daydream through math class.
In light of this new study, I'm pleased to reveal Project Brainiac, a side hobby of mine that I've been working on for a while. The Brainiac is a new model of shower designed to stimulate brain action and thus improve your thinking, giving you a lot of bang for your water bill buck and saving water while it's at it, for I'm sure that once word got out that people thought more in the shower much more time would be spent in the things. Writers and inventors would attempt to get all of their thinking done in the shortest amount of time possible. They would put a bed under a showerhead and hire a math teacher to read equations at them, possibly causing a brain overload and a nationwide shortage of mathematical tutors, resulting in the mass cheering and subsequent mass unemployment of students nationwide.
Thus, to avoid global starvation and stupidity, I have created the Brainiac, the shower that increases brain activity with a stream of 132% authentic gamma rays. The radiation penetrates the thin wall of your skull straight to the soft, sensitive tissue of your brain, targeting the creative thought centers located in the right side of your brain. Testing done on small, pink fluffy bunnies has created a new breed of bunnies with ears that are three times wider around than the average hare. The new hearing centers are filled with brains, you see, allowing them to reach new cogitational heights. I'm not exactly sure what the thing would do to humans, but I say it's worth a shot. After all, if you don't care about saving water and bunnies with brain ears, then you... well, then you've just wasted five minutes of your life.
They're mine now.
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